It’s All Right Here
There is so much to our adoptive children’s story that I just need the answers to. Why did it happen? Why them? why, why, why. Friends, mentors, and therapists have noticed my obsession with knowing why and have asked me why in return. Why do you need to know? Why do you need to have all the answers? And all I can come up with is… so I know it won’t happen again. So I can protect them. If I know why, then surely I can fix things and when they are older, they won’t have to confront these questions with as much pain as I feel now.
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The inspiration for this work came not from the lake, but from the ocean. From a time when I felt like I had to escape everything going on and drive to somewhere…not here. Just Get Me Away. Is how I felt. It was a season where I was left devastated with more “whys” than I wanted to deal with. It was a time when all the grief I carried for the huge loss my children have experienced was brought to the surface.
And so when I look at this painting, my eyes fill, and I feel the loss from that time all over again. But as I keep looking, I see the rays of sun shining on the water. I remember the repetition of the waves, rolling in one after another, all day. And I am reminded of what I tell my children often. That there is a balm for so many ills of the heart- for jealousy, despair, hopelessness, resignation - and that is gratitude. Gratitude that sees those “whys” and holds them up in its arms. Tells you to lift up your head and look out, pointing to the horizon as you shift your gaze upward. See the light coming through the clouds? See the shapes the water makes in the sand? How lovely and mighty are the waves? There is a whole world in that ocean! How amazing is that? And then, you realize that your “why?” is no longer the loudest voice in the room. It is much quieter now, lulled by the reminder of everything that is good, everything there is to be thankful for, and everything that is already right here.
This painting is a reminder that the along with the whys we carry, is a whole lot of good, and we can carry that too. It’s all right here.
